Depending on who you ask, I'm a nuisance, a troublemaker, a professional pot stirrer, and a full-time headache. Personally, I like to think I'm just misunderstood...repeatedly. Of course, there are those who'd say I'm also a career criminal who'd rather break the law than follow it. I prefer to think of myself as someone who's consistently committed to making questionable life choices.

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Now, some people spend years collecting stamps or baseball cards. Me? I seem to have collected arrest records. Quite the hobby, wouldn't you say? Impersonating a police officer, disorderly conduct, trespassing, making false statements, resisting officers - you know, the usual résumé builders. Somewhere along the way I even managed to sprinkle in a few more serious charges, because why stop at making bad decisions when you can make spectacularly bad ones?

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But with a list this long, it's pretty obvious I'm the real victim here...right? I mean, clearly the courts, the police, the witnesses, and all that pesky paperwork have just been conspiring against me for years. What are the odds that dozens of arrests and court cases could actually have something to do with my own decisions?

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Go ahead. Read the record. I'll let it do the talking.